yom kippur

I'm posting a dvar torah I wrote up last year from my rebbe, R' Blachman.  I have some new reflections on it that I will with the help of G-d put up in a subsequent post.

We make a really big deal about nedarim before rosh hashana and yom kippur with hataras nedarim, kol nidrei  why do nedarim get singled out?

there is a fascinating gemara in makkos, which tells how r safra (name changed due to laziness and forgetfulness) was saying krias shema when a person offered to buy something of his.  r safra could not respond, as he was in the middle of davening.  the buyer, not realizing this, offered several higher prices, thinking r safra's silence was a sign of refusal.  when r safra finished davening, he offered to sell for the first price.  the buyer was shocked; even if rsafra would originally sell for the lower price, who wouldnt take the higher price once it was offered?

r safra explained - when i heard the first price, i accepted it in my mind.  that to me is binding.

anyone who learned bava metzia knows that in such a case, it is muttar lechatchila to be chozer on a deal -- there isnt even a mi shepara!!

we see from this gemara a profound lesson - while for the ordinary person, who lives in the "real world", the world of actions, thought is not binding, there is a higher domain in which one could live, a domain where thought reigns, a meditative, spirtual world. for one on this level, thoughts are like actions, they are as real as actions.  hence, they are binding.

if we think about it, teshuva only makes sense in the context of this idea.  in our world, there are "no backsies" -- once something is done, its done.  a person can be the biggest tzaddik, serve as kohen gadol for 80 yrs, but if we find out he was mechalel shabbos bimeizid once when he was 13, we kill him.  teshuva doesnt work in our world.

teshuva only works because deep down, we arent really sinners.  as the rambam writes famously in hilchos gerushin, every jew deep down wants to do only good.  teshuva in effect, is to come before g-d and say - our sins arent who we really are!  in the higher world of thought, we are tzaddikim.

this idea is paralleled in hataras nedarim.  why is one allowed to be mattir neder?  if you learn nedarim, it becomes immediately apparent that hatara is allowed only where the neder is a mistake on some level - deep down, you didnt mean it.  who cares if you didnt mean it? there is a fascinating derasha the gemara makes concerning shavuos and nedarim, noting the extra usage of the word adam, man, in the context of taking a shevuah.  says the gemara, this comes to exclude one who takes neder by mistake -- how does the gemara derive this halacha from the word adam?

the answer, based on the above, is obvious.  adam, the true man, doesnt live in the world of actions, he lives in a world of thought.  in the world of thought, actions without intent are meaningless.  on rosh hashana and yom kippur, we strive to do teshuva by moving up a level - living in a new world.  if we live in this world, then heaven forbid, g-d may judge accordingly.  but if we can live in a world where thought is what matters, then just like by hataras nedarim, our actions without intent can be overlooked, so too our aveiros, none of which were truly willful, will be forgiven.  may we all have a kesiva vachasima tovah.

p.s. after i wrote this, i saw in selichos for yom chamishi a reference to this idea -- "we come to do teshuva, to be poseach pesach bacharata."  I think it was in the pizmon.

p.p.s.  at the very end, I am a little loose with the halachos.  hataras nedarim is not technically connected to the din of ha-adam bishvuah (at least, i dont think so).  see the mishna in chagiga about hataras nedarim being poreach ba-avir , the gemara in nedarim about lo yachel devaro being the mekor for hataras nedarim , and the machlokes rishonim maybe in the ran but definitely in the rosh on the mishna in the sixth perek about poschin concerning which mistakes dont require hatarah at all .