yehuda's znus

The maharal and the mizrachi ask the question that must be one everyone's minds: how was yehuda allowed/ ok with having relations with a woman he presumed to be a harlot?

(The Maharal really formulates it only as a technical question, given the issur of lo tihyeh kidesha - for that, yesh ladun if thats so obviously assur according to all the rishonim (in particular see the ramban in kedoshim 19:29 and in ki teitzei on the pasuk of lo tihyeh kidesha).)

Regardless, you almost hear the rambam directly addressing this question at the very beginning of hilchos ishus.  The rambam writes:

קודם מתן תורה היה אדם פוגע אשה בשוק אם רצה הוא והיא נותן לה שכרה ובועל אותה על אם הדרך והולך. וזו היא הנקראת קדשה. משנתנה התורה נאסרה הקדשה שנאמר לא תהיה קדשה מבנות ישראל. לפיכך כל הבועל אשה לשם זנות בלא קידושין לוקה מן התורה לפי שבעל קדשה:   --thats exactly what yehuda did, and what the rambam says was standard, before mattan torah.

Many have pointed out that the rambam doesn't give a similar introduction to any other mitzvah - for example, "before mattan torah no one shook lulav, after mattan torah people started to shake lulav on sukkos."

The rambam is emphasizing a unique paradigm shift regarding kiddushin - before mattan torah these things (=harlots) were accepted as normal - despite the fact that we look upon them so differently nowadays (as we well should).

I sort of hate to give this mashal, but from a certain (somewhat twisted) perspective there is really no difference between buying food (lets say for pleasure and not for  basic subsistence) and buying what yehuda bought.

What's the difference?  Its that at mattan torah we were given a new perspective - a perspective that that type of relationship cannot be just casual, but requires commitment.  The rambam is telling us precisely that - the chiddush of kiddushin at mattan torah is that one cannot separate a sexual relationship from commitment.

What changed at mattan torah? (that is, why does kiddushin undergo a paradigm shift at mattan torah more than any other mitzvah)?  This is a little bit towards the drush side, but I think its 100% emes.  Mattan torah is where we entered into a bris with hakadosh baruch hu - or in other words, a committed relationship.  We cannot worship G-d today, and baal tomorrow - we (and G-d) remain committed to each other.  The relationship between a man and a woman is sacred - it mirrors the bris between us and G-d - it cannot be a casual relationship thats here today and gone tomorrow.   For marriage to be a meaningful mashal to the newly created bris of har sinai, there must be a paradigm shift - while before, one could compare a sexual relationship to any other pleasure that can be had casually, now that is no more.  Now there must be marriage, with a real and lasting commitment.

I think this adds a new dimension to the machlokes rambam/ raavad whether any casual sexual relationship is prohibited after mattan torah, or only one with a harlot.  The rambam, lishitaso, says thats its any woman - if theres no commitment, its prohibited.

Lishitaso, the rambam we quoted yesterday says its not really permitted to give a get.  If the whole chiddush of kiddushin is that sexual relationships require commitment, then why should you be allowed to break off that commitment whenever you want with a get?  The whole point of a commitment is that you commit - no backsies allowed.

The maggid mishnah points out something very strange according to the rambam:  a casual relationship with a jewess is prohibited min hatorah because of lo tihyeh kedesha - but the rambam writes explicitly that a casual relationship with a non-jew is only assur midrabanan! how can that be less chammur than with another jew?

Lidvareinu, it makes sense.  the issur by a jew is to take a person who deserves a committed relationship and "use" them for only a casual one.  By a non-jew, even a committed relationship is prohibited - so its not shayach to have an issur of taking a relationship thats supposed to be committed and making it casual.  Hence biah with a goy is only assur midrabanan.

Taking the connection between marriage and har sinai one step further, the same way that it is assur (according to the rambam) for a man to give his wife a get, so too it is "prohibited" for Hashem to ever divorce us - as yeshayah says - where is the get that I (hashem) wrote for you (klal yisrael)?

With my sister getting married this week (super exciting!) this would make great sheva brachos torah if it weren't so awkward.  But I think its very powerful, both on the level of marriage and on the level of our connection with hakadosh baruch hu.  We should be zocheh to build a meaningful connection with hashem, and, each of us in the proper time, with our spouses.

Shavua tov!